failed nap.

for me. i really really wanted to take a nap. but i couldn't stop thinking about all of the craziness and uncertainty that is happening in my life! this baby is coming, sometime in the next 10 weeks or so. that isn't even the scary part... that's the one thing i know for sure! no matter where i live, no matter where all of my belongings are, this baby will come. a certainty.

but the list of unknowns and what ifs keeps growing, and it is weighing heavy on my heart. it is getting scarier and scarier by the day. how can you plan for the unknown? isn't that sort of an oxymoron? i am trying my hardest to trust the that the Lord has a plan, and that it is the best plan for our lives... i just wish i knew what it was! if i knew, i could plan, i could adjust to knowing what was going to happen. even if it wasn't the plan i would choose, at least i could get used to it.

but i don't know it. i can't plan. i have no control. just go with the flow (which is totally against everything i know and practice...) and it's hard to be at peace with that. perhaps i am being taught a lesson. i really am NOT the one in control... of anything.

there is so much to do in the next two months. how can i just take a nap?
instead, i packed three boxes and wrote this post.

(** anyone else notice my baby widget on the left side of the blog just went from 82 days to FIFTY TWO DAYS!!! ha. someone is playing a cruel joke on me, i know it)